I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
