I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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