it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
