i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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