Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
