Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Pants are for mortals
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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