Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
