I accidentally burped into my bong.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
