I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize