she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
