i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
