but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
They have beer where we have blood.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize