She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
