I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
