i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i think my cat just said my name.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
