Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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