why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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