anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
