why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
