so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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