I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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