Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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