my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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