Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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