so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Let's paint friendship bongs
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
