Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
