I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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