i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize