Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
