It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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