Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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