Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
