You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
