ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Come back. Shots need mouths.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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