From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
