I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
