She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
