fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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