saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
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When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
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I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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