it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
