Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
