The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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