we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
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I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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