Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
