If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
