someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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