I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
