I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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