They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
