You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
