Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
