Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
