She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
