No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
