apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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