I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
