We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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