yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
