Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
