She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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