and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
