he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I queefed so loud it echoed.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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