Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
