hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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