You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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