WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
