I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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